What is the story behind Excuses to Connect?

Founded by Richard Lee-Thai, Excuses to Connect is a business focused on creating a world without loneliness. As a professional speaker, certified coach, and consultant, Richard is passionate about working with schools and organizations to create cultures of connection.

Growing up, Richard felt shy and lonely. There were never any classes on how to make friends. Throughout his childhood and teenager years, Richard always felt like an outsider. He would be worrying about: “Do people like me? Did I say something weird that people will judge me on? Will I be rejected?” These concerns carried into adulthood.

While Richard was born and raised in Calgary, he headed off to the University of Lethbridge to study music education. This transition became a defining moment in his life. He was starting from scratch. Even though he was surrounded by new people because he lived in campus residences, he still felt lonely and homesick. All those connections felt superficial. He was desperate for meaningful connections.

“What if I interviewed people and got to know their stories?”

That one idea changed everything. Richard was inspired by Humans of New York, a photojournalism project where the stories of strangers were shared online. In that spirit, he started “Humans of ULeth” where he interviewed over 70 people, including students, professors, staff, and even the president of the university. When he asked people where their transition to university was like, they shared: “I felt homesick. It was hard to make friends. I felt lonely.”

I’m not alone in feeling lonely. There was never anything wrong with me.

Other people were going through the same things. It’s just that this topic of loneliness is underdiscussed. How different would life have been if there was a speaker who had spoken to Richard in university or even earlier in school? Loneliness could have been normalized. Connection skills could have been taught. Richard wouldn’t have suffered feeling like an outsider for as long as he did.

Even though that speaker didn’t exist for Richard, he resolved to be that speaker. Because there’s younger and older “Richard’s” out there that are still struggling with their sense of belonging and identity as well. There’s a need to educate people about the importance of connection on our wellbeing, as well as practical tips of how to build this in our lives.

This led to his TEDx talk titled How to Find Excuses to Connect.

The Problem

Have you ever wanted to connect with someone, but you stopped yourself?

Maybe it was a stranger you wanted to approach, or someone you already knew, but wanted to connect with on a deeper level. Often times, we stop ourselves because of some fear. We’re afraid that they might reject us, or that we don’t what to say, or that we’re bothering them. Whatever the reason is, we have a whole internal dialogue and psych ourselves out. We decide that we can’t do it, and we just stick with what feels more familiar and comfortable.

How many opportunities might we be missing out on?

We never know how any connection might transform our lives. Ultimately, we all want to be seen and heard. We want to be accepted for our authentic selves and feel a deep sense of belonging in a community. We can daydream all we want, but the thing is, all of this starts with an interaction. Nothing will change unless there are active steps taken to make connections. So, how can we make it easier to connect with others?

The Solution

Find excuses to connect. We can actively create the conditions that make meaningful connections easier. It’s about finding common ground and designing the interaction in a way where it’s more likely to go well. There are many examples of this concept, both small and large. Most importantly, once we adopt a mindset of finding excuses to connect, we will start to generate our own creative solutions for different contexts.